


there’s a ghost in the back of this room

by LN0TGY



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Castiel’s POV, Comfort, Fluff, Implied Love, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Not a lot of dialogue, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Songfic, kind of both??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28590024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LN0TGY/pseuds/LN0TGY
Summary: Dean has a nightmare and Castiel tries to comfort him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	there’s a ghost in the back of this room

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative summary would be “Castiel has all the signs but still can’t tell that Dean is in love with him“.  
> Title credit goes to the song Nightmares by all time low.

Castiel’s missing need for sleep hasn't really bothered him so far, he likes having a couple hours to himself every day (night?). It can get boring, sure, but he keeps himself busy reading books or catching up on movies that Dean recommends to him. The bunker at night is pretty much exactly the same as it is throughout the day, thanks to the lack of windows and sunlight. It feels different though, more quiet and peaceful with everyone else asleep.

Castiel is halfway through an old novel he found in a dusty book shelf, when he hears something. A ticking, fast and heavy. It‘s pounding and seemingly speeding up every second. Castiel can feel it in the back of his head and after all those sleepless nights, he can easily place what it is: Dean is having a nightmare. Again.

It’s not like Castiel is alway listening in on him, a normal heartbeat from another room is not something he instantly picks up on. A hammering noise like this, though? He physically can’t ignore it. Castiel is sure that if Dean knew this, he‘d tell him to stop being a creep and let him sleep in peace.

Problem is, Dean rarely sleeps in peace. It’s not unusual for him to wake up in the middle of the night, heart racing and beating like a drum against his chest and consequently, Castiel’s ears.

He sighs and wishes Dean would let him do something about it, but Castiel remembers that he‘s not supposed to watch over Dean when he‘s sleeping, has been told to back off and mind his business more than one time. However, Castiel can’t help it and every now and then, when he‘s certain that Dean won’t hear him, he’ll sneak into his room make sure he‘s okay, make sure he’s sleeping and not suffering through a nightmare.

Castiel waits and listens for a couple minutes, Dean‘s heartbeat not showing any signs of slowing down. Some nights it takes longer than others, but Dean always manages to fall back asleep at some point, so Castiel tries not to worry too much. He continues reading his book but realizes that he's hardly paying attention a few pages in, weirdly unable to shake the feeling that something is off tonight. Making a quick deicsion, he puts the book down and gets on his feet before quietly walking down the hall to Dean‘s room. He can hear him breathe heavily, heart beating against his chest.

Castiel knows he shouldn’t bother him, should just leave him alone and give him time to cool off, but he’ll take the fact that Dean left his door open just a tiny bit as an invitation. He pushes against it and slowly sets one foot over the threshold, peaking his head through the crack. The lamp on the bedside table illuminates the room just enough for Castiel to make out Dean sitting in the middle of the bed, blanket over his legs and his head in his hands. His chest is heaving, his fingers pressing into the top of his head, his eyes squeezed shut. Castiel hates seeing Dean this miserable and hurt.

The door suddenly makes a creaky noise and Dean looks up, visibly surprised and confused, maybe even a little embarrassed . “Cas? What are you doing here?“

Castiel needs a moment to take a good look at Dean, not his face but his soul. Something is different. It‘s dimmed, shining not nearly as bright as it usually does, restless like the beat of Dean‘s heart. A dark shadow is looming over it, draining all its light and color. Castiel can feel all its distress and pain like it was his own and he mentally promises himself right then and there not to let Dean suffer like this again. “Are you okay?“ he asks quietly.

Dean frowns for a second and seemingly forgets that Castiel didn’t really answer his question. “I‘m fine.“

Castiel doesn’t believe it, not for one second, but nods anyway. He knows Dean will pretend that nothing happened but Castiel decided to push it. “Do you want to talk about it?“

A small scoff comes out of Dean‘s mouth before he shakes his head just the tiniest bit. He looks down at his hands in his lap and Castiel takes the silence as his cue to leave. The door is nearly shut behind him when a quiet call of Castiel‘s name stops him. After a short moment of deliberation, he sticks his head back into the room and sees Dean staring up at him with a soft face. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but then he freezes. “Nevermind,“ he mumbles, breaking eye contact.

 _Strange,_ Castiel thinks. The way Dean‘s words contradict Castiel‘s perception of his state of mind and soul. He can read neither thoughts nor feelings, obviously, but Castiel does pick up on both of those things if he‘s involved in any way. It’s similar to praying, just more implicit and usually subconsciously. He’s never had a particularly hard time receiving these kinds of blurry prayers from Dean, given the strong connection the two of them share.

Right now, the feeling in Castiel‘s guts is loud and clear, it’s like Dean is calling out for him, begging him to stay, trying to pull him back into the room, like Dean might as well be saying _Stay with me_ , and the desperate look on his face doesn’t convince Castiel otherwise.

However, no matter how very clear it seems in Castiel‘s mind and how badly he wants to stay, he has been wrong about situations like this before. There have been several times when Dean has told him off although Castiel could sense a definite kind of… longing, he figured. He often feels like Dean is longing for him, but he concluded that it might just be wishful thinking, since Dean's actions never really confirm Castiel's thoughts.

He is unsure of what to say as not to misinterpret things again, while at the same time, he would feel terrible leaving Dean by himself in a state like this. He fumbles with words. “I could… keep you company. If-If you like, or-“

Dean is already nodding his head before Castiel has even finished speaking. He fully steps into the room and quietly shuts the door behind him before he heads towards the chair by the desk. Halfway there, he notices Dean‘s hand flat on the free space next to him, as if inviting Castiel to join him on the bed. Castiel complies and sits down at the top of the bed, leaning his back against the headboard, his legs stretched out in front of him. Dean shifts into the same position next to him, their shoulders brushing and their knees almost touching.

In the quiet of the room Castiel can’t help but listen to the beat of Dean‘s heart. He realizes that it hasn’t slowed down the way Castiel expected it would, still beating much faster and stronger than a calm heart usually does. Castiel tries not to think about it too much since he knows that, apparently, Dean‘s heart always races a little more than the next person‘s. Obviously, Castiel can only speak for the times he's actually around to listen, but he assumes it must be like this all the time. It wouldn’t make sense for Dean‘s heart rate to have anything to do with Castiel‘s presence.

Dean suddenly speaks up and rips Castiel from his thoughts. “I get these dreams sometimes.“ He stares straight ahead and doesn’t notice the way Castiel looks at him to show that he‘s listening. “And I-I know they’re not real, but- It fucks me up. Every night.“

 _I know,_ Castiel thinks, the words on his tongue, but he’s not sure if Dean wants him to say anything at all. He knows that Dean gets nightmares more often than not, knows the way he tosses and turns and wakes up covered in sweat. He‘d never let Dean know that he checks in on him sometimes because he‘d just try to re-explain the concept of personal space that Castiel thinks he‘s finally starting to grasp.

 _You don’t deserve this,_ he wants to say because it’s true. Dean has never deserved any of the guilt and the pain that has been dumped on him. His soul, with all its scars and all the damage it has taken, is still the most beautiful thing Castiel has ever seen. He wishes he wasn’t so painfully aware of Dean‘s self doubt and the way he can barely look at himself in the mirror. He wants to tell Dean that he deserves more than this life but he’s scared that Dean wouldn’t agree.

 _I wish you’d let me help you._ Castiel doesn’t know what nightmares are like, he doesn’t need to sleep and whenever he does doze off, he doesn’t dream. All he can see is the pain they inflict upon Dean all those nights, but of course Dean rarely talks about it. Castiel can’t take away the emotional baggage Dean carries with him all the time, but he can spare him from the nightmares at least, Dean just has to let him.

Instead, Castiel stays silent and wonders when exactly he started to know Dean better than himself and read him like an open book. He stares at his hands in his lap and hears Dean take a deep breath when he finally finds his voice. “I‘m sorry.“

Dean lets his head fall back against the wall and closes his eyes. “‘s not your fault.“

Castiel, once again, doesn’t know what to say, and neither does Dean, so they remain in comfortable silence for a while. Castiel wonders what Dean dreamed about, what kinds of things haunt him every night. He thinks about the fact that Dean sleeps not in the center but on the side of the bed. He takes in Dean‘s heartbeat, now at a healthy rhythm, his steady breathing, the way his soul seems to slowly regain its usual glow. He doesn’t realize that Dean has fallen asleep until his head falls on Castiel‘s shoulder.

Castiel smiles and turns off the lights. He carefully lays his hand on top of Dean‘s, softly wrapping his fingers around his sweaty palm. He lets his fading grace work its magic and makes sure to protect Dean from any more haunting dreams for the rest of the night.


End file.
